Enjoying It!

If you have made the decision to Do It, we think you should Enjoy It!

Here at the YWCA we talk to heaps of young women, both casually and via our young women’s programmes & groups in different regions. Over the years, many young women have asked advice about sex and sexuality. Many have mentioned that they don’t enjoy sex – or don’t get what they want from sexual intercourse.

As young women we are brought up with strong social ideas about sexual behaviour. For example, it is generally accepted that men will orgasm or ‘cum’ every time they have sex, whereas women may not. There’s still a belief that young women who have many partners are ‘sluts’, whereas young men who’ve had many partners are ‘studs’.  As girls in Aotearoa New Zealand today, we are still predominantly brought up in a culture which encourages us to be pleasers, where guys are taught that being macho and aggressive is okay. This carries through into the bedroom.

Many young women have said they:

• are afraid of showing lust,
• stay silent if sex is painful,
• don’t feel okay about telling a sexual partner what they like,
• believe they cannot orgasm, or don’t ever expect to.

At Y-Dub, we believe that what’s happening sexually for young women is an interesting reflection on where we’re at in terms of our general status in society. In other words, learning to like our bodies and learning to be assertive in our sex lives is one way of making ourselves stronger overall.

In the so called “sexual revolution” of the 60s and 70s, women began to be accepted as sexual beings – the doors began to open to possiblities like sex before marriage, more than one partner in a lifetime, access to contraception etc. So now that we’re having sex, let’s start enjoying it!

We’ve asked Nicky Mercer, who was involved with the popular YWCA booklet Sisters, to talk about positive sexuality. This info is designed for young women of all sexual orientations. If you’re worried about being straight, lesbian, bisexual, takatāpui – check out the Your Sexuality page. Being comfortable with your sexual orientation is a good step towards enjoying sex.

If you’ve never had sexual intercourse or you’ve chosen not to have sex for a while –that’s a totally okay choice!! Exploring your own body is a great, healthy way to get to know what you like and don’t like – you can read more about that on this page. Check out the Doing It page for more info on making decisions about sex and dealing with pressure.